Last week a friend of mine died. He dropped dead next to a lake. Just like that. In Nigeria. One day before he was going home to visit his family and friends. The suspected cause of death was heart failure.
The poor kid was in his 30’s. He wasn’t obese. He worked very hard and had achieved a very high level in his profession. Now he is gone. But not when you go to his Facebook page.
Relatives and friends have been posting there for him as if he has just moved on to another country. They know he is dead. He comes from a nice family, but like most of our poor volkie, they are god fearing people. They are 100% sure he is in heaven now, talking to god. They even have messages for god, that he has to relay on their behalf, to the “big guy” as one of them puts it. Then there are others who are quite upset that his daily fortune cookie still gets delivered to him everyday and they have to read it and see it pop up on their home page. One friend even said he contacted him and his wife, and told them god told him to get his affairs in order. They were glad they had the chance to “forgive” him for something he did to them a long time ago, so they are sure that he is in heaven now, also with a message to god for him to relay on their behalf. Another chick told him to tell god to look after him very well. The past post was 6 hours ago. They are still conversing with him on Facebook. Wishing him peace, a good time in heaven, to say hi to god, to put in a good word for them, yada yada yada……… Another one is the old favorite: “It was god’s will.” God is a sick cunt if that was his will.
I deleted him as a friend today. I don’t think for a minute he is reading his facebook page up there in heaven. Oh, wait…… I don’t even believe in heaven. Or hell. There is no fucking way I am going to read his fortune cookie for the next decade everyday. I fucking hated that stupid app. anyway, and there was no way to stop it except for deleting him as a friend. Silver lining.
Anyway, my bud is dead now. His family probably has no idea that their little angel was no angel. He was a very good guy, with a very good heart, never hurt anybody, but he was one crazy fucking party animal. Bachelor and very naughty. I can speculate on what gave him heart failure. But that would not be cool. He lived a good life, enjoyed it, and was good to other people. He made everybody laugh, and he really cared about others. He also worked very hard all his life.
So bud, sorry I deleted you as a Facebook friend, but I know you don’t give a shit. I just couldn’t stomach your other friends using it as a hotline to god. And those fucking fortune cookies, man!!!!!!!!
But isn’t it amazing how heaven keeps up with the latest advances in technology? If yo told Abraham he would have Facebook in heaven, he would have had you stoned as a heretic. I haven’t checked, but god must have a lot of friends on Facebook. Jesus too. I wonder if they have more than mohammed, or satan.
So good news for you fundies out there. You can still get your Facebook messages in heaven. But please, for fucks sake, delete all the stupid apps. that runs everyday. And those fucking games. We don’t care if you just fucked a goat in Farmville.