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3 thoughts on “

  1. Naturally this “Gospel of The Saints Marching In” (to Jerusalem) was deleted from the cannon of the Church because it eroded the generalized “male domination” of everyday life.
    When the Centurion who was watching Jesus felt the earthquake and saw its effects (the eclipse of the sun and a great wind) and the things that were done, he feared exceedingly and said, “Truly this was “The Wind They Call Mariah.” This Gentile, like Cornelius was not prejudiced; but was open to conviction and came to faith in the advantage of “Becoming A Messiah Type”, Standing and observing that which was transpiring. (Many women who had followed The Saviour and ministered unto Him.) This Roman soldier thought “This is a certain way to have more admirers of my manly authority.” (have more female friends). Also , He had His own donkey.
    At this time, Cornelius “Threw down his sword, and ordered his first pair of ‘Sandals Suitable For Walking On Water’ from the ‘Messiah Outfitter Emporium’ in Jerusalem.” They were the best in the business, and knew to inquire if the purported “Messiah” would be walking on the Dead Sea, or a body of water with normal salinity, as the wrong amount of buoyancy calculated would expose credibility destroying free-board of the ‘Walking-On -Water” footwear. (because seeing these “walking on water sandals” which resembled modern-day “clown-shoes” might cause suspician that a miracle was not occuring.)

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  2. “Truly this was ‘The Wind They Call Mariah.”’ were the words of the Centurion, and this wind was the actual force which caused Christ to whirl in the first place.
    This wind, (the wind they call “Mariah”), blew only on one side of the saviour’s cross because an olive tree blocked one side. (Many olive trees grew in the cemetery, and with great profusion of olives, because for some reason, the earth in the cemetery seemed to nourish the trees with great vigor). This “one-sided force” blowing on the cross is what it made it whirl. In fact every puff of the “Wind They Called Mariah”, made it spin faster.
    This spinning, (through centrifugal force,) caused the Saviour to start to be thrust away from the cross, and toward everything else in the world. Since the Lord was doing His best to hold onto the handles inside the “for nailing purposes corpse hands”, his arms started to acquire an “extra-elbow” motif. Plus, with His feet pulling out of the “for nailing purposes only corpse feet, His legs looked like they had an extra “backward-knee” articulation physicality to them. The motif gave the appearance of someone “doing the ‘Limbo’ “, at a “Crucifixion cult” type party.
    This force caused the Holy One’s hands and feet to pull out of the other person’s hands and feet which had been nailed to the cross in lieu of His own.

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  3. (an aside)
    Only Pilate and a few close associates knew the truth about this.
    Flavius Josephus wrote:
    “Pilate did not want the Lord crucified. In truth, he liked Jesus”. More to the point, “He may not have liked Him too much personally, but he liked what He was doing to the population in the Holy Land. This was , divide them into small politically weak groups, which is a classic tactic to win a victory over an enemy , in a hot or cold war”.
    The moneylenders were becoming powerful politically, and therefore able to threaten the tranquility of life.
    By “renting money” they did not actually do any work, except murder or beat up those who did not pay them their “rental fee” for the borrowed money.
    Pilate had to allow the moneylenders a certain niche in society, as they helped control the rabble. Privately, Pilate hated them, saying, “I would rather drink the contents of a chamber pot, than accept a glass of wine from those vultures.” (which he often did) (found among documents and commemorative accouterments in “Pilates House”, central Italy, 1961.)
    Pilate, knowing Jesus had a way with words, wanted to save Him so He could train other Messiah types to come and further divide the populous, and offer loans at a lower interest rate, to again, weaken the money lenders. (the modern reader will recognize ploys used by the World Bank and IMF in the present day)
    In order to pull of this illusion, Pilate had acquired a corpse, and chopped off the arms at the elbows. He then had a taxidermist skin the skin off the part nearest the elbows, while leaving in, the bones in the hand and lower wrist. Then he had “handles” attached to the upper wrist bones. The feet were also treated in the same way. so that, the bones in the feet were left intact, and the leg-bones were removed, so that the feet which were off a dead man could be tied onto Christs feet like the “Monster Boots” rock and roll legends from the 1970s would wear for “Glamor”. Blood and gore from the “Scourging At The Pillar” helped hide the ill-configured limbs.
    The arms were fitted onto Jesus, and although the extra length of His arms gave him a “gorilla” sort of appearance, it would have fooled the average Joe who attended crucifixions, as the average Joe who attends such a horrifying spectacle must have had something wrong with his brain anyway.
    Now everything was going smoothly till the “whirling” started. The “whirling” made the Savior’s feet pull out from the “rock-star boots” one by one and the visual experience was like a chorus girl from the Radio City Music Hall. Or one of the “Three Stooges” running in place while slapping himself on the head, saying, “Woo Woo Woo Woo!”
    The final part in the show was when Jesus was forced to let go of the handles in His fake “hand extensions” and He flew with great force up into the mist, and landed on a group of the apostles who were on top of the cave where the Lord was supposed to be laid to rest after He died.
    The arms and legs still nailed to the cross were in reality, not so unusual as one might think. After a few days in the sun bits of corpses often fell off. The curious were further distracted from the details of this scene by the sight of a dead man, apparently killed by the “Crown of Thorns” Christ had been wearing. It had been slung off His head during the whirling and had struck an onlooker on the chest. A thorn had impaled the heart of the man, rendering him quite dead. The thorn nailed him to a tree he had been leaning against. He had a funny look on his face.

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